They were drowning me without realizing it. And it wasn’t their fault. At some point in their lives, they’d learned how to breathe underwater, and I hadn’t.

Shaun David Hutchinson è ancora un autore inedito in Italia e ne sono molto dispiaciuta: We Are the Ants, il suo romanzo più conosciuto, sembra trattare dei lati oscuri della vita che solitamente vengono nascosti allu ragazzu o affrontati in maniera imbarazzante e superficiale. Dopo aver letto Brave Face capisco perché Hutchinson maneggi questa oscurità con tanta maestria: ci è stato in contatto abbastanza a lungo da conoscerla e da aver imparato a raccontarla bene.

Brave Face è la storia dell’autore che, quando era un ragazzo, si è ammalato di depressione, finendo per compiere atti di autolesionismo e per tentare il suicidio (del quale c’è una descrizione molto grafica, una di quelle che ti fanno partire una sequenza di No nella testa e ti fanno venire voglia di entrare nel libro per abbracciare la persona che sta così male da volersi togliere la vita). Immagino non ci sia bisogno di specificare che è un libro difficile da leggere e che, a seconda della vostra sensibilità, nemmeno da aprire.

L’aspetto che ho amato di più di Brave Face è stata la sincerità derivante da quel faticosissimo lavoro interiore che ti porta ad avere uno sguardo lucido sul tuo passato, uno sguardo che vede i propri errori e li giudica per quello che sono, ma ha anche compassione di chi era allora, perché nessunu nasce con il manuale delle istruzioni per vivere al meglio la propria vita.

Poi c’è la questione delle microaggressioni e dell’omofobia strisciante: Hutchinson non ci racconta episodi di violenza eclatante, ma una serie di fatti e circostanze che sul momento ci sembrano meno gravi perché non ci sono ossa rotte o un pericolo immediato per la sopravvivenza, ma che nondimeno hanno aggravato la sua depressione, mettendo comunque a rischio la sua vita.

But I was determined. I was determined to tell the truth without telling the truth. I was determined to point out the hypocrisy with which I, with which we all, had been living our lives. I was determined to tell them that there were consequences to their actions and that I was one such consequence. That when we stroll through lives of privilege without consideration of others, we risk hurting them irreparably, and that we must take responsibility for that hurt even if we aren’t aware we’ve caused it. ( )

Dang. This was powerful. I think I'm incredibly lucky to have lived in places where being gay is not only accepted, but often celebrated, so this glimpse into a world twenty years ago was a really powerful reminder of how discriminatory we can all be. Shaun's own mind and preconceived notions were absolutely fascinating to read, and my heart ached for him going through all of this. I can't imagine how painful this memoir must have been to write, but I'm glad he did and I hope that this book finds people that it can touch and help heal.

Oh, also, I loved him even more when he said he loved the Cure, but then cracked up when a few pages later he said "My taste in music was, and still is, pretty questionable." ( )

In this memoir, Hutchinson described his memories, emotional battles, and problems. He told his experiences of depression and attempted suicide. Many of the problems he shared were about his identity and being gay. This book was powerful in the way that everyone can relate in some way. Everyone had questioned his own purpose, identity, and worth. Out of five stars, I give it a four. It was written in a way that kept my interest, had some humorous moments in the most sensitive and difficult parts, and was relatable. However, there were ideas that disagree and had a sudden ending. Through the reading, I noticed that the recurring theme was redemption. Despite the depressing thoughts, there is a better future. That better future does not come immediately, but it is something to continue to hope for.

teen/adult memoir (depression, attempted suicide, struggling with queer identity and coming out as gay teen/young adult)
I skipped the suicide chapters (thanks for the helpful content warnings, Shaun) but did slowly make my way through the rest of the story. This was a very deliberately written account of the author's experiences with serious depression--as he says, it's not always as simple as 'it gets better' where mental health is concerned.
I do worry about some of the youth I work with and am learning to better recognize some of the signs that they may need help. I think this is a valuable book that I hope will be helpful to many who may be going through some of the same things and I am also glad that Shaun made it through both as a person and as a writer of books that I enjoy and find worthwhile. Thank you for writing this. ( )

Hutchinson's brutally honest, sometimes painful, and ultimately hopeful memoir will surely help people grappling with self harm, depression, and/or their sexuality. The amazing audiobook is read by the author. It is a necessary and important book which is essential reading for people who work with teens. ( )