I'm not very keen on reading memoirs, but Untethered is a good example of why I should never say 'never'!

Hayley Katzen was a 30-something gay academic lawyer when she met Jen, a cattle farmer in remote NSW. Uncertain about the longevity of the delight she feels in Jen's company because of their intellectual and social differences, and conflicted about the geographical constraints of a Sydney v The Bush relationship, Hayley nevertheless chucks in the unsatisfying career in law and takes up studies in acting... which enables them to have a two-household relationship for a while.

They are very different people. Jen is eleven years older, rugged, physical, capable with practical things, confident and secure in herself, and not given to introspection. Hayley OTOH is a muddle of neuroses stemming from a difficult childhood and estrangement from her family. She has a fraught relationship with her mother in Sydney, and no contact at all with her siblings. She still has an affectionate relationship with her stepmother and some extended family in Johannesburg, but while she's sustained that with regular visits since emigrating after her father died, over time the distance begins to affect the extent to which she feels part of that family with whom she had been more connected than with her own.

Although this is a memoir marked by rigorous candour, she is circumspect about the reasons for this estrangement and hostility, which is something I respect. We can only guess at her reasons, but with family still alive, she has chosen to focus instead on her own story and what she has made of her life on her own terms.

Hayley doesn't feel that she belongs anywhere geographically, psychologically, or professionally. So it took courage to decide, eventually, to move in with Jen at Tiwieh (tie-a-wire), her property out beyond Casino. As you'd expect, there is culture shock, about all the things that city people find difficult about bush life. Hayley wants to do something purposeful with her life but (quite apart from mostly being hopeless at most of it,) she isn't comfortable living Jen's life of castrating calves, shovelling manure, fighting fires and getting involved in local community life. She tries volunteering at the local school, running a drama class, and preserving tomatoes — there's even a half-hearted attempt to have a baby — but none of it is satisfying. She takes up writing — but even then, she flounders around trying to find a form of writing that suits her. (A problem that this beautifully constructed memoir suggests has been resolved).

If this sounds at all like a giant whinge, it's not. This memoir is written with humour and self-awareness.

To read the rest of my review please visit https://anzlitlovers.com/2020/07/31/untethered-by-hayley-katzen/ ( )