4.25 ( )

Regret, a common human experience, seems to be not well understood by contemporary society. When the word is used, as Daniel Pink points out in his introduction, it’s often used in the context of extolling the virtues of “no regrets.” However, longstanding research (for the past 50+ years) shows that the act of regretting actually has a positive impact on human life. Indeed, Pink tries to contend that, with a proper understanding (as he offers here), it can lead us to live a better life.

At first, I was worried that Pink’s book would simply be a combination of cultural understandings and shallow self-help. I picked up this book because I had previously read and liked his best-seller Drive. I hoped it would meet that high standard, but was concerned that it would not. However, his dissection of how to understand regret was profound and insightful, rooted in decades of research in social psychology, and caused me to undertake personal introspection. Halfway through, I was pleasantly surprised by how little I understood regret previously and how much Pink was teaching me.

Most prior research into this topic studied geographically restricted populations (i.e., all study participants in one place). Therefore, he undertook a survey with global reach (seemingly, a mixed-methods study). By analyzing the qualitative data, he breaks down lasting regret into four categories: foundational, boldness, morality, and connection. Anonymous quotations from the study’s participants are amply provided as examples. He combines the findings with studying prior research literature to provide unique contributions appropriate for a popular market.

The “diagnosis” section of this book was absolutely excellent. The “treatment” part was more average. The point Pink appreciated the most (an understanding of “self-compassion”) was one I was already familiar with. Therefore, many of his words tended to veer into “self-help” voodoo and repetitive mumbo-jumbo instead of specific insights on how to handle regret. It wasn’t bad, and I did learn a couple of things from this section… Nonetheless, it wasn’t as insightful as the section on “diagnosing” and understanding regret.

This book will fill a niche in “self-help” literature that is rooted in social psychology and neuroscience. I appreciate the scientific approach made here, and I suggest that anyone who wants to understand the profoundly human experience of regret should consult this book. Pastors, teachers, spiritual advisors, counselors, and inquiring individuals can all benefit from the enhanced wisdom this book offers. It offers a more nuanced approach than most in this genre. The text is relatively short, approachable for a popular market, yet grounded in decades of research. If you pass up reading this book, you might “regret” it more than if you take time to peruse. ( )

Reasonably good book that provides the results from a worldwide survey about the regrets people carry with them in life (coulda, woulda, shoulda) and ways to analyze/classify them, with ways to address regrets to help you get past them or improve your life going forward to avoid them. Contains mostly anecdotal cases provided by the survey participants. I never knew how much could be said about the regrets that people have and how they can hold you back or help you analyze them and use them as a basis for growth. This is not stuffy medical terminology, and the book is very readable. ( )

I’m such a fan of Daniel Pink’s that I preordered his latest book even though I was lukewarm about the subject matter. I’m glad I did. Read my full review here. ( )