I wonder why they always use the phrase “cardigan sweater”? You can say sweater, or you can say cardigan and no one will be confused, I promise.

Bruce brings “Jenna Malkin of the Boston Malkins” to the Homecoming dance. Jenna is considering applying to SVU. snickers No Northeast blueblood would be caught dead trying to get into an obscure branch of a public state school on the opposite coast. They might go to a good state school, but nothing further away than Virginia unless it’s Stanford or they’ve been involved in some scandal and have to get away til the heat dies down. But then, I still don’t understand why Bruce is at SVH either, so. I also giggled at Lila saying Jenna and Bruce have been “hooking up off and on since sixth grade summer camp” because “hooking up” has two meanings now.

This time around, the trouble starts with emails, not snail mail letters. Makes sense, teenagers are more likely to go immediately to email rather than mail a letter. What I don’t get is A) why Elizabeth was stupid enough to leave the file on her desktop and B) why Jessica doesn’t have her own computer. Nine years ago, yeah, maybe Jessica would think of computers as “for nerds” and borrow Elizabeth’s when she wants to go online but at this point, they are pretty much indispensable for everyone who wants to be in the loop. Don’t tell me Jessica doesn’t haunt Bluefly.com, and TMZ. I can totally picture her blabbing away on AIM using textspeak and terrible spelling.

Mean students post Photoshopped pics of Ken and Ms. Dalton on the blackboard, instead of just writing stuff like in the original.

Pop culture updates include: “Heroes”, In Style magazine, Shakira, Juicy Couture, Roxy (the clothing line) “24”, Abercrombie, Louis Vuitton (although in fact, neither of these brands are anything close to new- LV began in the 1850s as a French luggage manufacturer*, and Teddy Roosevelt and Ernest Hemingway once bought sporting goods at Abercrombie but both brands have a different sort of cache these days), and Jake Gyllenhaal (formerly known as Burt Reynolds). Enid got high on E, not on whatever it was in the original. And there are references to Maxim magazine. Although I think Bruce probably still reads Playboy. Because he is fifty years old. Elizabeth now uses a digital recorder, instead of a tape recorder. They all use Ipods. And a few characters use the words “Dude” and “Sweet” etc. Although wasn’t “Dude” in use among SoCal surfers even back in the 60s?

Lila hosts a martini tasting party instead of breaking into her dad’s wine cellar. Everyone gets drunk on martinis and no one experiences consequences for it. Just a bunch of people casually getting a bit tipsy. It’s pretty funny. Of course, this also destroys any continuity for Jessica not being able to hold her alcohol.

They remembered Jessica loves orchids, nice continuity from SVK.

Jessica is now allowed to use the word “freaking”.

There are two oral sex jokes. One made by Elizabeth of all people.

The books have taken a more snarky approach to Mr. Collins, describing his height of early 80s fashion outfit in one scene as “like a cowboy who’d been told to dress up”. He’s no longer described as looking like Robert Redford. While there are many male actors who currently probably slot into the same sort of role, none of them actually look like Robert Redford specifically, so they just dropped the reference entirely and say “he could have been an actor”.

The book tries to backpedal on their mistake in the new “Double Love” by claiming Todd is on both sports teams. Uh, it still doesn’t work, sorry.

Olivia Davidson is now a scientific, environmentalist who edits the opinion section of The Oracle and listens to “crunchy folk music”. She also says “Oh, my Goddess”. Wow, references to a non mainstream religion in Sweet Valley. But why can’t she be an artist?

Liz is on her way to homeroom in the morning? Really? I looked it up and I guess some schools still do it that way…

“You mean you’re not even going to try to guess?” Jessica said indignantly.

“All right, fine,” Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. “You’ve been invited to a royal ball in London, where Prince William is going to select his bride from among all the most gorgeous women in the land.”

Pretty obvious why that update is amusing, because William was a toddler when the original version of this book was published. Although Jessica would be a better match for Harry.

“This school can forgive a lot, Jess, but nothing that cruel and selfish.” Uh, you just wait and see how much that school can forget or ignore when it comes to Jessica (or Bruce).

Lila’s in the school choir? Has she always been? I wasn’t aware Lila did things, even her cheerleading always seemed a little out of character.

Lila, after Jessica wonders if Mr. Fowler will find out about the party.

“I just told him I was having a few friends over, it’s not like he really cares.We could burn the whole damn house down and I’d have time to get it rebuilt before he sets foot in it again.”

Original line, or tongue in cheek foreshadowing added by people who’re familiar with a certain later story arc?

It was like early Michael Jackson meets old man attempting to swing dance meets boy choking on his own saliva

Heheh. At least the update ghostwriter has a good sense of humor. ( )