The Goodreads Lonely Hearts Column

A man walks into a bookshop. Plucking up his courage he asks the lady behind the till for a date. She says sorry, we don't sell fruit here. That's funny, right? Right?! I'm funny, right? M, 54, seeks F with convincing fake laugh to reassure him of an evening. Box no. 0002.

A (different) man walks into (the same) bookshop. Fancying a good belly laugh he picks up a collection of bizarre entries to the world's most intelligent lonely hearts column. M, 27, found dry amusement but still seeks book to make his belly laugh. Box no. 0003.

I'm seeking my antiderivative, so I can lay tangent to your curves. Smooth M, 43, seeks continuously differentiable F to 40, or on the whole real line. Box no. 0005.

I like the footnotes. David Rose has clearly had fun with them. They're often played straight, pointing out the numerous esoteric cultural references used by the advertisers. Then, out of left field, he'll “helpfully” define some passing comment about “the Train of the Damned” as possibly referring to a particular Virgin Train line, “which is shit.” M, 27, was seeking the Caversham branch of Waitrose, but that's in a footnote too. Box no. 0007.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Asclepias tuberosa are orange. M, 31, seeks F who knows a good rhyme for orange. Respondents can expect an awesome poem about flowers in return. Box no. 0011.

See appendix, says one of the footnotes attached to the phrase “Former Miss World.” Really? I thought. Really. There's a list of all the previous winners of Miss World along with any interesting trivia about that contestant or that year's competition. It's surprisingly intriguing. M, 27, probably won't seek book about the Miss World competition. That'd probably not help find a F. Box no. 0013. ( )

The Goodreads Lonely Hearts Column

A man walks into a bookshop. Plucking up his courage he asks the lady behind the till for a date. She says sorry, we don't sell fruit here. That's funny, right? Right?! I'm funny, right? M, 54, seeks F with convincing fake laugh to reassure him of an evening. Box no. 0002.

A (different) man walks into (the same) bookshop. Fancying a good belly laugh he picks up a collection of bizarre entries to the world's most intelligent lonely hearts column. M, 27, found dry amusement but still seeks book to make his belly laugh. Box no. 0003.

I'm seeking my antiderivative, so I can lay tangent to your curves. Smooth M, 43, seeks continuously differentiable F to 40, or on the whole real line. Box no. 0005.

I like the footnotes. David Rose has clearly had fun with them. They're often played straight, pointing out the numerous esoteric cultural references used by the advertisers. Then, out of left field, he'll “helpfully” define some passing comment about “the Train of the Damned” as possibly referring to a particular Virgin Train line, “which is shit.” M, 27, was seeking the Caversham branch of Waitrose, but that's in a footnote too. Box no. 0007.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Asclepias tuberosa are orange. M, 31, seeks F who knows a good rhyme for orange. Respondents can expect an awesome poem about flowers in return. Box no. 0011.

See appendix, says one of the footnotes attached to the phrase “Former Miss World.” Really? I thought. Really. There's a list of all the previous winners of Miss World along with any interesting trivia about that contestant or that year's competition. It's surprisingly intriguing. M, 27, probably won't seek book about the Miss World competition. That'd probably not help find a F. Box no. 0013. ( )

We have all wished at some point that the person we are supposed to be would show up – myself included! For the supremely brave among us, there is the appeal of a personal add. Sexually, I’m more of a Switzerland is a collection of the craziest and most inspiring personal ads placed in the London Review of Books over the years. Actually, it’s the second collection but I haven’t been able to find a copy of They Call Me Naughty Lola yet.
These are not the typical personal ads with a simple searching for message.

WLTM man to 45 who enjoys a walk on the beach – this will not be found here.

What you will find is the most normal (and crazy) readers of the London Review of Books placing all of their feelings on the table. Take it or leave it, at least these people are being honest.

My favourite section of the book was entitled “You know who you are.” A product of failed past personal adverts, these people were a lot clearer about who they did not want to contact them. The utter insanity of it all will have you laughing out loud wherever you are when reading this book. In my case, I had made the unfortunate decision to start this while waiting on a bench for friends to arrive. They found me giggling manically and generally scaring off children, but utterly delighted with my latest find.

This is certainly a short book, but it falls under the category of reality being stranger than fiction. Maybe it will inspire you to put yourself out there – who knows that the result may be! ( )

Witty, often surreal, sometimes show-offy, occasionally scary lonely-hearts ads. The appendix, containing a potted history of interesting moments from the Miss World contests, while interesting, seems a bit "huh?"
Indexes, which raise a smile but are almost completely pointless, bring to mind those in The Meaning of Liff. ( )

HIllarious, quick read. The perfect size book for your purse, when you want to kill time while waiting in line. ( )